Forgiving evil. Within this past year, I have removed the toxic people from my life. It was not an easy thing to do. However, after years of forgiving their toxic ways over and over, it was beginning to affect my health. Then another evil entity came to visit, CANCER.
There are some evils that one cannot forgive; you must first love before you have the need to forgive. There are evils in our nation, our world that I cannot love; therefore, I have no reason to forgive. Some things are just too evil to forgive.
I love those that became toxic in my life dearly, and I have forgiven them. Was I perfect? No, but I was not filled with toxicity as they were. I had room in my soul to forgive and still love, even though they do not feel they have done anything wrong.
I wish the world could be like my fur baby Dixie. She is filled with so much love she believes that she belongs to everyone, and she shows them what love she has to offer. Most return her love. I believe Dixie sometimes keeps me alive, my prayers, and those who send me their prayers, thoughts, love and having a wonderful family.
During our lifetimes, we can give and take love; it will go on if you continue to fill all your empty places with passion, mindfulness, and kindness. EAJM
I sometimes picture myself being born in another time; I may sit for long periods of time letting my mind wander. My situation does not change much, I may be holding the bridle of a mule plowing fresh ground during planting time; if I find a piece of paper floating in the warm southern breeze, I chase it down. Maybe I can use it to write on, a bit of poetry or a short story about my life as a sharecropper’s daughter.
There is always proof somewhere in the scene that lets me know that I come from poor folk. I wear it like a suit of armor, it does not fail me. Like a pencil falling from my hand, I am brought back to the present, I am much older, much wiser, and mostly happy with where I am in life. I know that I will not see sixteen again, nor even thirty!
In my whole life, I only loved one boy, yes, a boy. A high school boy! That was before my life was turned upside down, he moved on with his life and at sixteen, I stood still. Was it love? I like to think so, of course, girls, women seem to fall into certain unclear slots of not knowing what they want. From farm girl to city girl before I had an adjustment to either. In those days the parents made the decisions, today the teens make their own decisions in most situations.
The mental health issues have not changed, just the teens are growing up much too fast. The schools, nor the parents fail to recognize that they are too far out of their comfort zone. The parents are allowing them to make decisions that are still being pondered by a much older age group; they are children making adult decisions. As parents, we are allowing them to do so, thus comes problems later in life.
When one of the great masters was dying his last words were “Sorrow will last forever”. That could be anyone’s epitaph as the eternal has its own laws.
It is good that I cannot remember the day of my birth,
although since, I have questioned why I am on this
earth; my mother did not want me she wanted to be
free. I understand the poverty in which I arrived, I
still did not understand years later, when she told
me she would have been happy if I had died.
She told of not having even an aspirin for the pain,
and that she feared the future and afraid her that her
life would never be the same. Mother told of the old
iron bed with cornhusk mattress that stood on a bare
wooden floor. Of how they kept out the cold with raw
cotton from, the nearby field stuffed into the cracks
of the homemade door.
Delivered by a neighboring mid-wife, weighing only
two pounds my mother told her to take me away,
while saying, and “I hope that she will be gone by the
end of the day”. It is said that my father took me into
his well-worn hands, whispered to me, you can live,
and I know that you can. He placed me in a shoebox,
put me on the front seat of his old pickup truck and
carried me away. He would not see me until my
birthday, exactly three-years from that day.
Left with a dear old black woman that I until this day
refer to her as mother: you see I knew no other. She
packed my clothes in a clean cloth sack, she cried,
but she knew that one day my father would want me
back. He looked at my birth mother saying that I would
never again go away, she responded without feeling
saying, “it would be he that took care of me if I stayed”.
The years, they quickly flew by, my mother she was
never at home, then the day came that my father died,
I recognized her but did not see her cry. Me, I soon had
children of my own and knew what kind of mother I
wanted to be, and unlike my own, even with children, I
always felt free.
I had not seen her for many years when I heard that
she had died, too late to feel a mothers touch, too late
to hear her say, “I love you so much.” I cried, but not f
or me, I cried because at last she had been set free.
Joyful simplicities are a means
to survive, inspiration keeps the
soul alive, watching seasons as
they have come and gone. One
survives year after year, as the
heart continues on the journey
to where it belongs.
Attend to life’s garden reach for
impossible dreams. Let the
mind seek what it envisions, look
beyond all of the tomorrows and
do not settle for only what the
eyes can see.
Learn to shed the skins of time
never give up hope, the path
leading to dreams will be
easier to find, walk hand in
hand with a true love during
a warm misty spring. Drink
in the aromas of life and it
will bring back memories of
the essence of paradise.
I woke with the need to leave the last post of 2020; it has been a cruel year.
I wanted to start this year, with my need to return to exercising, I have not done more than a few steps whether the weather was good or bad, at present in Wisconsin we have had a new snow fall. So, I spent thirty-minutes on the treadmill. A small amount of time, however, for someone who has not been exercising that is quite a bit. In the building where I live they have a small fitness room. No, tiny, a treadmill and two exercise bikes fill the space. I remember when I came here eight years ago, a healthier me, I went to a gym and there was no need to utilize the space. This past year the “manager”, place signage on certain areas. One day I past the room and there on the door was a sign “FITNESS CENTER’”, I open the door, nope there was not another door leading to bigger and better equipment, just the tiny room. A source of humor for everyone, I believe that I may be the only one who uses the equipment. That was where my thoughts returned at 7:30 AM when I opened a book b Anne LaMotte and begin to walk. Age tried to kill this body in 2020, and being shut in for nine months would have killed the mind; but there was enough to write about to keep me going. I begin a battering of tests due to health matters; this can make for a difficult time mentally and physically.
It was a year of lies and controversy.
The possibility of a biblical apocalypse came upon us when “Locust” hit Africa. I expected it in the US but I guess it was not our time. Somewhere among several countries, fires were determined to destroy great masses of land. President Donald Trump was impeached! Covid-19 hit the US, and toilet paper begins to either be removed by stores or customers were hoarding. I do not know where the rumor that Covid gave one diarrhea, but a panic cleaned the store shelves of all paper products. I believe they were fighting over it in Wal-Mart. Let’s not forget the talk of “Demon Sperm”! Next, disinfectant, wipes, sanitizer could not be found, again hoarding. President Trump wanted to ban Tic Toc, but his life was spent on Twitter. If it could happen it did.
I am ready for 2020 to end; I fought health issues and survived a couple of serious surgeries. I am on the mend, I hope, and looking forward to 2021. I lost my four-legged companion, Mason; the hole in my heart will never fully mend. Yet, I have hopes for the future. I have a new pup coming into my life in January 2021; she will not take the place of my darling Mason. I hope she and I will become good friends, and I hope the love will grow. I want to finish a book I have started (second year), become healthy and enjoy my family and the country that I live in; I want to see Covid as a dim thought.
Have a great New Years Eve…be safe and my you all go into the new years with hope.