Back On-Line…#349

Image result for someone typing in a dream

I am back on-line and out of the hospital once again.  I want to let you know about my latest episode with “Multi Myeloma”, bone cancer.  I went into the Oncology center for my “Chemo” treatment Friday, August 20, 2021; the ride was uneventful as was the blood draw.  I was taken to Dr. O, office for a consult before treatment.  It was there that she informed me that my oxygen was low and that she was sending me via ambulance to the ER.  The ride to the ER was the last thing that I rationally remembered.

I remembered one of the ER Doctors saying that I had, a fever, lungs filling up, Pneumonia, for many my age this is a death sentence!  They begin treating the infection immediately, I explained that I needed to go home, that I had been in the hospital for two-half weeks, Rehab for two-weeks, and I had been gone from home for over one-month.  Home only one day and was in Oncology for Chemo, I needed to go home.  I remember IV’s and confusion!   

I opened my eyes and it was still dark outside, a nurse told me it was August 21, 2021, I told her that I thought it was December 21, that my room was decorated for Christmas.  She was very kind explaining that I had entered the hospital on August 20, 2021, it was early morning and there were no decorations in my room.  Thank goodness she stayed with me continuing to explain that I was taking “mega” medications and that may be the reason for the delirium. I “thought” that I got up out of bed making my way outside where there was snow on the ground, a scene out of a movie “Four Season” that I had watched recently.  I tried to remember the names of the other couple go no avail, not even the stage names or the man I was with, Alan Alda.  My thoughts, I was dying and my children had decorated the room making it Christmas for me. 

When morning light began to creep into the room my mind took another turn into the fantasy world of delirium.  Christmas had disappeared, staff came in and out, I believed it was time to “shut up” and take in my surroundings, the only real thing was my son, Chuck.  

With Chuck being there and a telephone call from Carl make me realize that they too had experienced this type of delusion, and Mia a wonderful nurse that stayed with me until he shift had ended.  I continued to weigh in on my surroundings, I was suspicious of many things, and I tried to keep up with the staff, their names, and their positions in the hospital.  I read each IV that hung over my head, the contents and did I know what they were giving me.  My little knowledge of medicine gave me no help, but some of them I understood.  The hospital was not trying to poison me!  Chuck and Mia talk to me, he seem to have a great deal of understanding of what she was telling him, she had hugged me earlier, which was nice.  I did begin to come out of it and by Saturday afternoon, once again had control of my senses.

My delirium is now gone…  I had to spend several days in the hospital.  The combo of medications placed me in that position, which I did not care for and hope to never experience again.  I am back at the computer and tomorrow plan to work on my book.

My plan is to take all of the experiences that I have endured to put in the book that I had started before all of the health problems begin, Severe Anemia, Vitamin D Deficiency, No White Blood Cells, Cancerous Red Blood Cells, Bone Cancer and the latest a Broke Back and a Right Fracture of the Ankle, and on top of all of that Pneumonia.  Yet, here I sit pounding out my latest story for all of you on the old keys.  I and down but do not count me out!

I love each and every one of you and hope to work on a poem to post over the weekend, along with writing as much as possible on the book.  The days are getting shorter and the deadline may be at hand.  I hope that you will find my poetry books interesting and the book about my daughter compelling.

Take care of yourselves and each other.

EAJM

*What are your thoughts on Sirhan Sirhan getting paroled? 

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Beware of the Politician…#348

Image result for Funny Politicians
Beware of the Politician...
In this tedious, disastrous land
We must be doubtful of the
Political ignorant.
They seize my senses in how
They deceive and when called
Out they act belligerent.
They are slowly taking from us
The values we hold dear.
Beware the politicians
Control our lives and rule by
Fear.

 ©2021.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

©2021.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

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Recalling Time…#347

Image result for recalling time images
Mindful

Micro Poetry – Recalling of Time

Memories, the past has many doors to open, one could spend a lifetime in these corridors of time.  Rooms bulging with stories good and bad; they rise to fill our minds with happiness, joy or sadness.  Like soft petals falling to the ground, so does the memory of our life fall gently upon our hearts?

©2021.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

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The Sea…#346

Artwork by Elizabeth Ann Johnson-Murphree
The Sea…
As I lay in pain, the room grew dark,
The mirrors and windows covered
In black. Then came the truth about
Dying and the opening of the grave. 
I was weeping but no one, heard,
The pressing of the brace against my
Skin was gone, yet I felt it still, a ring
Of fire.
A man with an ashen face looked
At me sadly.  I tried to speak, tell
Him not to worry, that I would Soon 

be free, my sufferings were
Soon to be over, and I would have
Freedom and live in grace.  I knew
Waiting for me was meadows, and
Fields of green clover. The corn-
Flowers  would look like tender lace.
We are by the sea, the misty air is
Falling on the sea of people dressed
In black, the sea of people, there
Are no more lies.  No more hatred
You can chose to die in triumph or
Disaster, it is your choice.  The
Tools that you chose to use in life
Are no longer needed.  There will be
New beginning, your heart will no
Longer be in pain.  Now you may

Walk with Kings, the Heavens are

Yours to bring peace until us all

Meet again.


©2021.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

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A Life Unrepressed…#345

Image result for image of typing on my computer

Today, I feel blessed…

I have spent the last three weeks in the hospital and one in a rehab/nursing facility, four weeks..  I fell! I was transported to the hospital.  Within the one week that I was there I was diagnosed with bone cancer, severe anemia and the fall broke my back and right foot.  I am on the mend; cancer will never go away, a rare one with no cure.  The anemia will hopefully at one point change and the broke back will mend.  I have a back brace that has to be ultra tight on me, and I must wear a brace for the rest of my life.  Oh well, I still have my sense of humor!

That’s the bad news; the good is that I have mega writing time. I feel stripped of both worlds.  Only my computer gives light to my days and nights, creating reality and chalets the world of imagination.

I want to share the meaning of creating poetry.  What I see in a poem, it is an image in my mind that must have all the words come together to creates a story.  When creating a poem it becomes the center of my existence.   A writer, actually lives in two worlds, one of reality and one of make believe.  There are times when they meld together; I fear one day the latter will become my only world.  This may come with senility?  At my age, I doubt I will ever see that stage of life.

Currently the world of make believe, fiction, blogging and imagination serves me well.  It masks the pain!  My site, gives me an outlet to create in my poetry how I feel emotionally too.  The realm of imagination is one of quiet periods of reality and fiction join together to give the strength to find a reason for existence.

Peace and Love to each of you.

E.

A Life Unrepressed
Lighting surges through a war of disrespectful words, tears descending, wet.  In times of uncertainty, an unknown sadness is out of control, a smile, a gesture; or fear clings to a receptive body.  Words may not bring rest or smiles, the soul deep within knows.
There is no one that can unlock the heart, nothing that can be said or felt.  Thoughts, do not reveal or conceal, disguise the lack of sympathy, place blame and criticize.  Alienate the voice, if only for one moment feel free.  Fate, possession, strife, and life.
The genuine self, forced to obey, despite and un-regarded life blind to the hurt of others will embed hate eternally.  The knowledge of life fire and force, walking down a rough path; deep pain.  No spirit, hate has the power to control, nameless feelings that have conceded to a life unrepressed.  Speak and act so no one will know hidden damage floating down to the soul.
The hidden self, inward strife and following demands; in return, a thousand nothings, all-miraculously give power.   Hide in the depths of the soul; echo speaks of pain.  Lackluster eyes stare, glare, and the words unspoken deafening creating fear.  A bolt of tones, frightening, is piercing ears.
No feeling stirs, the heart laid plain, unaware of a life winding down, no meadows of flowers, no sun, no breeze, and the madness is elusive to all.  No feeling, no respite.  In quietness, the war of mocking words; the tears, the sadness. The thoughts of the sea, the crashing waves; soul and spirit sinking within its wet madness and always stay, stay, and stay.
Too late, love revealed itself in death, and the heart has nothing to say.  Living and moving in disguises, alien, until the end.  Life had nothing to possess, strife, identity.  Blind, uncertainty, life no fire or restlessness, a thirst for the mystery of it all, nameless feelings lived in vain.  The loss, the heart lay open for all to see, the hurt hidden twisted among the rubble of pain.  Yet, after all that, there is tomorrow.  

©2021.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

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The Whole Day Through…#344

Image result for red poppy's

The Whole Day Through…
I lay down in a field of poppies, red
Dotted among the green, I watched
The clouds moving lazy above me.
They touched the mountain peaks,
They touched my soul, it’s far away,
But someday there I will go.
If I lay long enough it will be night
The stars will come out to greet
Me, among them may be the
Milky Way.  It is then that I shall
Rise, the Poppy field will not want
Me to stay.
As a Poet I live in a meditative mood,
And live in the delight of solitude.  I
Am met in the morning by the dew
Dropped roses through an open window
Their scent last the whole day through.
I live my life to experience these
Pleasures.  There was a time when
I let them pass me by, so many years
I have wasted trying to live with lies.
A human soul lives within me, I fear
 That the years have crushed the flowers
Of my life.  With the time I have left
On earth, I want to spread the love
Within me, remove myself of toxic things
Or people, in my life that bring nothing
But hatred and strife.
This new belief I know was sent from the
Heavens above, a new path for me to
Follow was written in my life’s plan.  I
Have a new lease on life, my goal to live
It the way I have always planed, no stopping
Me now, I have been shown the way, a
Second chance to live in peace and in
Truth.  The guilty I will be free from the
Debris of their truths, they will hurt me
No more.

Flying with Broken Wings
Flying with Broken Wings

©2021.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

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#autobiography #Death of daughter #Poetry

Madness…#343

Cemetery Angels

Madness…#343

Hatred –
An unwanted Soul –
At birth cast away –
Scared and burdened with emotional wounds throughout its journey on earth.  Never knowing the touch of a mother’s hand, no words of I love you, one child was showered with love, the other the mother could not stand. All of the tomorrows’ the path long and steep; it searched a lifetime to asking why did the mothers’ anger run so deep.  A lifetime of sadness, the hate clear; the mother was spiteful. 
 The moment the mother was laid in the ground.  Truth in its abandonment never found, this abused Soul tries to remember that understanding and unhappiness are closely bound.  Band from seeing her mother in those last precious days, lies told many things stole.  The soul now grown did not want her possessions, she hoped to hear her say the words, I love you, but it was too late.  To the end the mother held on to her hate.
When anger and depression fuse together, they give birth to madness.  Loathing emotions born out of the pits of darkness holds an emptiness and void that can never find contentment.  Madness thinks of death, is in harmony with Stillness.  It feels pain, lives in blackness,  hopes for nothing; survives as its opponent living life be aware-its toxic and filled with madness.


©2021.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

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Why are we leaving it up to the children?…#342

Image result for government images free
A Free America

Why are we leaving it up to the children?

Do you know your country, or do you only

Know what you are told by the media, or

Local gossip?  Everyone of color has been

Discriminate against, the whites have yet

To understand that they are privileged.

The status of your existence is unimportant

If you are poor and white, you still have

Priviledge over anyone of color.  You live

In America and you think that you are free!

Silence is our words, the stories we tell

Are not true; they are made up of all that

We wish to be.  The dead of the past are

All hero’s and we sing the praises of their

Names and their conquest.  Silence our words

For they are only half truths. 

We continue with our lives as if we know

Where we are going and what we are doing,

But do we?  Were we meant to be ruled by

A group of people that are out for themselves

Only?  They rule over all of the people.  Yes,

We voted them in, do we even look at who we

Put into office?  Are they fit to be an official?

Of the United States of America?  What is

Their personal life that will start the question

As to how they will act in their government

Life.

We, the people of our generation are lost, we

Have let the government get too far into this

Mockery.  These people we elect are in the game

For themselves and do no care about the people. 

They do not think about the children of today or

Of those that will be born tomorrow.  Will they

Have a tomorrow? Or will America turn into a

Third world country?  Will our farm lands be

Baron waste lands?

The land of the free and the home of the brave,

Will be a thing of the past.  Hopefully, someone

Will remember as there will be no books to read,

There will be no memorials to see, no places to

Visit with the family.  Those who still fight for

Freedom will do so underground.  They will be

Called the enemy, and they will be treated as

Criminals. 

There will be no government, but there will still

Be the fine places for the politicians to rule from,

And they will still live in the finest homes, their

Children will not be hungry.  Yours will.  Our

Military will be those who guard the officials and

Keep in line the people; keep the peace so to speak.

The people will live on little as the government will

Take the largest portion of your hard earned money.

Your children will go hungry!

You will live in unawareness, you will believe that

The present is all there is, you will be passive in

All things.  Yet, there will still be those few who

Believe in what America once stood for, they will

Be the ones who continue to see it as a free nation.

They will fight to live in a nation that is for the

People, by the people.  These Fighters for freedom

Will never go away, you the Government will not

Sleep at night for you will be Afraid that the

 “Freedom Fighters” will come to Take back their

Country.

It is time that you, as adults stand up and fight for

Your children.  Leave them a government that is by the

People, and for the people.  You cannot bring back the

Books that have been band, you cannot bring back the

Statues, the many memorials torn down, you cannot

Bring back the land that has been desecrated.  But,

You can see that they have a government that will

Have the people In their sights when voting on issues

Of importance.

It is time to vote in decent human beings, those who

Truly believe in a free nation.  Let’s, start at home,

Bring into the lives of our children a freedom that they

Will pass down to their children.  It is not about us,

Those that will not be here to know that they are free.

It is about the children, those unborn that will inherited

This land called America.

©elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

I have waited all of my life, where are you?…#341

Image result for artwork waiting on the shore




I have waited all of my life, where are you?
I have watched many moons go by, seen the
Seasons change outside my window.  I have
seen the Tulips bloom in spring, the wild flowers
scatter themselves among the tall grasses and
the young bushes trying to live. 
I watched the sparkle of campfires and fireplaces,
watched my body go from firm youthful skin to
wrinkles that I do not recognize, still I wait for you. 
Time does exist, lingers in light, darkness, the glow
of a fire in fall, I picture the boats bringing you to
me from the other side of the world, from the island
that is yours alone, I wait for you.
Now, it is time for me to stop my watch and wait,
time for me to turn the page away from dreaming
to reality, you will not come and rescue me from
the life that I have lived.  I have stop searching the
horizon, do not look for me, for I shall already be
dead. 
The winds of time passes through life, my heart has
taken roots on many shores.  It was not destined
for me to have love, it is too late, I have no more
tomorrows.  I am the flower whose petals have
blown away in the winds of spring, but, I do hope
that I am remembered when the snow falls.       



©2021.elizabethannjohnsonmurphree

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A Passage into Madness: A State of Frenzied Activity: Johnson-Murphree, Elizabeth Ann: 9781688948990: Amazon.com: Books

A Passage into Madness: A State of Frenzied Activity

Love and Forgiveness…#340

Art by Elizabeth Ann Johnson-Murphree

The hospital room has become a sanctuary of darkness and light.  My Angels are living here with me during every sleeping and waking moment.  Their love and kindness are teaching me patience; the pain cleans my soul showing me the way.

I do believe that their light shines upon me.  They also with the pills made available takes me from the darkness and pain, the pain is leaving me with a certain wisdom that I have never known before.  Maybe this road that I must now travel is a blessing in disguise.  Bone cancer, will do this to one!  One where I can see the truth and bring it to others in my writing.

If this newly found wisdom brings me closer to home, it will all be worth it.  My Dixie is another Angel in my life, so loving never meets a stranger, never mad always happy and she loves her mama.  When you are looking death in the face, you either embrace it or try to hide it.  I am trying to be open to this new chapter in my life and share it with all who will read my blog.  It is hard to explain how beautiful life can be if you remove yourself from toxic “things”.  Love and forgiveness is truly the right path to journey upon.  I will continue to write my fiction, to create my poetry and prose.  Please visit often.    EAJM