It has been one week since the passing of my little four-legged baby and constant friend Mason, the pain in me remains. I know death, its finality! My body I can feel, whereas for days afterward, it felt numb. I walked yet I could not feel anything beneath my feet. I washed, and the cloth could not be felt as I ran it across my face. The numbness has left me and I still feel the hole, that the void. My heart is swelling, filling up my chest cavity, so much so that I wonder if it will burst. The lump in my throat will not go away. I can hardly breathe, air flows toward my heart then stop abruptly, all reminding me that Mason is no longer with me.
He was my constant companion for almost nine years. My mind whirls with visions of him, the walks where he must inspect each tree, the belly rubs, and the wonderful kisses. The storms that he sat at my feet. Last but not least, running into the bathroom for a butt wipe after each poop trip outside. Mason was so intelligent that I expected him to start talking at any time; he walked to his own drummer.
He went so quickly I did not have time to think about the situation, one day he was watching my every move and smiling, the next day he was gone. My home is now silent, a place where death came and left just as quickly. Death has done this to me many times, each time taking a piece of me with it. Why did Mason not show some clue that he was so sick, no he showed nothing until that last day? He was faithful until the end, wanting only to be with me at any cost.
I am sorry for showing this weakness with all of you, however, the loneliness is thick and menacing, and the light has gone out of my life. It left with Mason. I took very good care of him; he did not even know that he was a dog, was he? My mind void of thought as it chases the shadows inside as I continue this walk alone.
#Mental Health, #Depression, #Sadness, #Spirit, #Anger, #Memoir, #Bipolar, #Schizophrenia, #Children, #Despair, #Sorrow, #Grief, #Death, #Suicide, #Unhappiness, #Loneliness