It has been one week since the passing of my little four-legged baby and constant friend Mason, the pain in me remains. I know death, its finality! My body I can feel, whereas for days afterward, it felt numb. I walked yet I could not feel anything beneath my feet. I washed, and the cloth could not be felt as I ran it across my face. The numbness has left me and I still feel the hole, that the void. My heart is swelling, filling up my chest cavity, so much so that I wonder if it will burst. The lump in my throat will not go away. I can hardly breathe, air flows toward my heart then stop abruptly, all reminding me that Mason is no longer with me.
He was my constant companion for almost nine years. My mind whirls with visions of him, the walks where he must inspect each tree, the belly rubs, and the wonderful kisses. The storms that he sat at my feet. Last but not least, running into the bathroom for a butt wipe after each poop trip outside. Mason was so intelligent that I expected him to start talking at any time; he walked to his own drummer.
He went so quickly I did not have time to think about the situation, one day he was watching my every move and smiling, the next day he was gone. My home is now silent, a place where death came and left just as quickly. Death has done this to me many times, each time taking a piece of me with it. Why did Mason not show some clue that he was so sick, no he showed nothing until that last day? He was faithful until the end, wanting only to be with me at any cost.
I am sorry for showing this weakness with all of you, however, the loneliness is thick and menacing, and the light has gone out of my life. It left with Mason. I took very good care of him; he did not even know that he was a dog, was he? My mind void of thought as it chases the shadows inside as I continue this walk alone.
E.
©elizabethannjohnsonmurphree
#Mental Health, #Depression, #Sadness, #Spirit, #Anger, #Memoir, #Bipolar, #Schizophrenia, #Children, #Despair, #Sorrow, #Grief, #Death, #Suicide, #Unhappiness, #Loneliness
The Last Chapter 
To show vulnerability shows strenght and to have a pet or person taken away from you suddenly is traumatic. For me it was a person and that left a huge hole in me that I have learned to live around it. Pets followed the person’s death. 3 pets. I know how you feel. There are triggers somedays that bring me back to the day it happened. I think there will always be. My condolences on the passing of Mason. Feel yourself hugged.
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Thank you, there is a lot of love in this world, one only has to seek it. E.
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You never have to apologize to us for the love in your heart. We have been there. I have been there. And I weep with you. Mason will always be a part of you. He will rest gently near your heart and in your memories. I will never forget my companions because they are a part of me as Mason is a part of you. Rest well my friend.
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Thank you. E.
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I’m sorry for your loss Elizabeth, I’ve shared that loss before. I also give you a hug. Blessings.
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Thank you. E.
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I’m so sorry you’re hurting, Elizabeth. My heart goes out to you. I felt the same way when I lost my beloved Teddy Bear.
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Hearts to you. E.
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The fact that you feel this pain means that you’re living life the way it’s supposed to be lived, with all its ups and downs. It’s hard to share such vulnerable thoughts with strangers online, and that shows strength as well. Wishing you all the best with these hard times in your life, and know that you have an extra stranger here for you! Take care now.
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Grief is not weakness. Such a short time really
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So sorry to hear of your loss. I know how empty a house feels after the death of a beloved pet.
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We are the most fortunate to have the love and devotion we do not really deserve.
I have a T shirt that says, Let me be the person my dog thinks I am.
Bless your heart.
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I love that, the grief is unbearable. E.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. These creatures come to mean so much to us–
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Thank you. E.
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I can say..I truly understand and am sorry for you and Mason’s parting..
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Thank you Karima, my heart looks like a patchwork quilt it has been broken in so many places. E.
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No shame in grieving a beloved, whatever form s/he takes. Given that he had to go at some point, Mason may have given you a gift in departing so abruptly, saving not only himself — but you — protracted suffering. As long as the love between you is known and secure — as surely it was between you and your dog — I am grateful when a loved one passes in that manner, having experienced the alternative of watching, waiting, second guessing, helplessness. Love to you as you mourn this big loss.
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Thank you Cate, my heart continues to grieve, he kept me going, I am no stranger to grief, however, this little four legged boy had my heart. E.
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I had a dog I loved, too. I was devastated when he died of lymphoma. I still haven’t been able to think about getting another one. He was THAT special. I wish comfort for you.
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Thank you so much for those kind words. E.
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